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The Pirates! In an Adventure
with Scientists
Not since Moby-Dick...No, not since
Treasure Island...Actually, not since Jonah and the
Whale has there been a sea saga to rival The Pirates! In
an Adventure with Scientists, featuring the greatest sea-faring
hero of all time, the immortal Pirate Captain, who, although
he lives for months at a time at sea, somehow manages to keep
his beard silky and in good condition.
Worried that his pirates are growing bored
with a life of winking at pretty native ladies and trying
to stick enough jellyfish together to make a bouncy castle,
the Pirate Captain decides it’s high time to spearhead an
adventure.
While searching for some major pirate
booty, he mistakenly attacks the young Charles Darwin’s Beagle
and then leads his ragtag crew from the exotic Galapagos Islands
to the fog-filled streets of Victorian London. There they
encounter grisly murder, vanishing ladies, radioactive elephants,
and the Holy Ghost himself. And that’s not even the half of
it.
The Pirates! In an Adventure
with Ahab
Fresh from their mishaps with Charles
Darwin and the evil Bishop of Oxford, the Pirates set sail
in a bouncy new vessel–purchased on credit. In order to repay
his debts, The Pirate Captain is determined to capture the
enigmatic White Whale, hunted by the notoriously moody Ahab,
who has promised a reward.
Chaos ensues, featuring the lascivious
Cutlass Liz, the world’s most dangerous mosquito, an excerpt
from the Pirate Captain’s novel in progress (a bodice ripper,
of course), whale ventriloquism, practical lessons in whale
painting, a shanty-singing contest in a Las Vegas casino,
and a dramatic climax in which the Pirate Captain’s Prize
Ham saves the day!
Move over, Herman Melville.
Gideon Defoe, who lives
in London, is twenty-eight. He wrote The Pirates! to
convince a woman to leave her boyfriend for him. She didn’t.
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